Burger Bites: Acknowledging Strengths
The Burger Bites Series Is Designed To Bring You A Taste Of Coaching.
Early in this series I explained how Action is the Core of coaching, and how that is counterbalanced by building awareness because Learning Focuses Action. The International Coach Federation (ICF) says coaching isn’t really coaching without those two components. One more thing must occur for the session to be sound coaching. The coach must acknowledge at least one of the client’s strengths.
The lovely thing about acknowledgement in coaching is that it speaks to who the client is, to her uniqueness and her personhood. Acknowledgement is not praise for accomplishments or a reminder of past actions. It is a reflection of a quality the client carries with her always and can call up when she needs it.
A coach acknowledges his client by stating a quality he sees in her that is a strength. This is usually offered when the client has identified something she wants to do but expresses hesitation, or when she has chosen accountability steps. The coach wants to call out a quality in his client that will help her meet her goal. He might say, “One thing I know about you is that you are creative and can come up with different approaches until you find one that works.”
Coaches rely on their history of knowing the client and their intuition when offering an acknowledgement. When the coach is remembering something about the client and acknowledging it, he might add an example of her accomplishment to underscore what he says. He is not acknowledging, or praising, what she has done in the past. Instead, he is calling on her inner strength and doing so with enough certainty to overcome her self-doubts.
For example, when the client is preparing to have a difficult conversation with a family member, the coach might say, “One thing I know about you is that you’re compassionate. You see things from the other person’s point of view constantly. Every time you talk about interacting with someone you tell me what life is like for that person.”
When relying on intuition, the coach acknowledges a quality he senses is in his client, even though it may not have come up before. This sounds a little risky, but when a powerful coach has introduced intuition and used it in coaching, it fits in well. The client’s response lets the coach know if the intuitive hit was on target or not. And sometimes it speaks to something in the client she has not seen in herself yet, but is ready to recognize.
For example, a coach has been working with a client on work-related topics, but she brings up her volunteer role in a service organization. She has some new responsibilities there she is not sure she can handle, and she wants to suggest a way for everyone to work together on certain things instead of breaking them into separate lists. This is a big change from how she works in her job, where she has to complete small projects by herself and isn’t involved in team discussions much.
Listening to his intuition, the coach says, “I suddenly have this image of you talking to the other volunteers. One thing I know about you is that you’re the hub, the mediator, the one people look to for guidance. How can that help you decide how to approach them?”
The client, surprised by the image, might say, “I really never saw myself that way. I’m not sure if that’s me or not. But I’ll think about it some more.”
The next session, she might share the learning she experienced as she thought about the coach’s acknowledgement. “I never saw myself as anything like a team leader, but I just decided to think What if? What if they look to me for answers? What if they really respect my opinion? I thought of a couple of times where that had actually happened, where no one knew what to do and I made a suggestion and they loved it. So I talked with the group about my plan to share some of the tasks and they got excited. I’m usually not the leader, but I guess there I am.” The client has greater self-awareness, an expanded view of who she is, and a newly identified strength to use.
When a coach acknowledges his client, he is pointing her to the source of strength she will rely on as she takes her next steps. He is also helping her reshape how she sees herself, reminding her of the positive qualities she tends to overlook when she focuses on what she hasn’t accomplished yet. As he points to her strengths and she uses them, she feels more competent and in charge. It becomes easier for her to identify and rely on her strengths when she is taking on the next challenge.
